It may come as a surprise to some, but I have to admit I’m a bit of a perfectionist. That’s not to say anything I do is perfect, or even comes reasonably close. I’m lazy and not very good at much of anything so I often make compromises. Especially with the sort of Job I have which is all about compromises, and which I am also not very good at. I’m not talking about my art, which I have given up on, but my day job that someone actually pays me to do. It kills me inside every time I make these compromises. Every time I fail to reach perfection. It drives me to the brink of suicide, which is unfortunately a pretty short drive. It would be much healthier for me to just not give a shit but I find it impossible to develop this sort of Laissez faire attitude.
But really it’s the same thing with everything I do. My aforementioned art, my woodworking, my relationships. Every flaw screams at me any time I look at them. Every wonky saw mark, every uninspired and poorly executed drawing, every misspoken word or words never said.
They haunt me.
So. I’m sorry if you were hoping so see more art when you came here. (Big assumption I know). I can’t say I don’t miss it. I feel like a hollow shell when I am not creating something. Nothing gives me greater pleasure than bringing something of value into the world with my own hands. I’m taking the cowards way out I know.
I just can’t take it anymore.
Just had to get that out. I feel like posting here is safer than writing it on paper. Judging by my stats only Russian spammers will ever see this :P
All my stuff is still up on flickr though, so please have a look with your human eyes. Let me know if you enjoyed it. It makes me feel good.